Tales of the Parodyverse

Post By

killer shrike hopes that there's nothing in here JJJ objects to
Sat Mar 19, 2005 at 12:58:12 pm EST
Subject
Ein wenig von The Adventures of Alcheman #16
[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Email ] [ Print ] [ RSS ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Next In Thread >>

The Adventures of Alcheman #16


“Feuds, Familial and Otherwise” Part One


Previously: Alcheman was granted superpowers through the tattoos inked onto his arms by the mysterious Ivan Strode, who has a connection to Atlas and Census Jones, former agents to the office of the Shaper of Worlds. Strode was warned by occult expert Con Johnstantine that an old enemy of the Joneses, Penny Blood, was manifesting herself once again in the Narrative. Blood, coincidentally, was the new identity of Evelyn Calliope, and old co-worker of Alcheman’s. Complicating matters are Trickshot, the Chemical Crimefighter’s chosen mentor (chosen by Dancer, at least), and Baroness Elizabeth Von Zemo, who recently moved her family’s ancestral home to Pierce Heights, a tony, upscale section of Paradopolis.


“Stop the car, Rodrigo,” Agnes Wooster told her chauffer.

The matriarch of the Wooster clan waited until the limousine pulled to the curb before rolling down the tinted windows. Her hopes that an unhampered view of the building might have revealed it to be less of an eyesore were dashed.

The eyesore in question was a castle. Not one you might find in a fairy tale, but a gloomy mass of stone and mortar that only Dracula might find inviting.

Agnes’s family had lived in Pierce Heights for three generations, and her late husband’s had helped found the neighborhood. The place was conceived as a paragon of architectural harmony, and now some nouveu riche piece of Eurotrash had dropped this… gothic abortion into its midst.

Agnes may not have been born a Wooster, but when she took the name she also accepted certain responsibilities, one of which was to ensure the standards their ancestors set would be honored.

It was time for her to take up the charge for those aforementioned standards. Deviance from them would not be tolerated. Order would be maintained.

******


“Your Excellency, there’s someone at the gate.”

“Who is it, Sally?” Beth Zemo asked her pliable personal assistant. The former grad student hoped it was the man from the cable company. Having Schloss Schreckhausen wired might be an inconvenience and not offer her as many options as satellite, but at least there would be no dish to clash with the home’s medieval exterior.

“He says he’s the driver of Mrs. Agnes Wooster.”

Beth looked up from the blueprints that lay unrolled on her study’s desk, “Wooster? I wonder if she’s any relation to those bottle-blonde bimbos Wilton had over for Christmas?”

“Yes. Jenni and Trudi are her daughters, and a constant source of embarrassment,” Sally Reziylent was an avid reader of the Daily Trombone’s Society Section, though now that her employer was in conflict with the tabloid’s publisher, Sally’s perusals had become much more surreptitious.

“Hm. Patch her through to my office line.”

There were several moments of technologically-inspired irritation, as buttons on Beth’s phone were pressed and repressed, with Sally mimicking the process with the intercom system’s keypad in the castle antechamber. Finally, the connection was made.

“Yes?” Beth finally asked in an exasperated, but still imperious, tone.

“Baroness Elizabeth Zemo Von Saxe-Lurkburg?” Rodrigo checked.

“Yes. What do you-“

“Hold for Mrs. Agnes Wooster, please.”

Beth rolled her eyes.

“Hello? Ms. Zemo?”

The fledgling supervillainess had reached the point where she was considering priming the castle’s disintegration ray, “Yes!”

“Ms. Zemo, this is Agnes Wooster. I was wondering if I could have a word with you.”

“In reference to….”

“Well, as Secretary to the Pierce Heights Preservation Society, I feel its my duty to inform you of numerous zoning violations your domicile is guilty of.”

Of course, Beth thought before replying, “Mrs. Wooster, do you represent any municipal, state, or federal agency that has say over how a citizen chooses to use her private property?”

Outside the portcullis Agnes frowned, “No, but-“

“That’s a shame, Agnes. May I call you Agnes? Thanks. For if you were such a representative, I could direct you to my attorneys, who handle the matters of my estate. However, since you are not so charged, and are, in fact, nothing more than an snobbish busy body in desperate need of a hobby, I will merely tell you to shove off,” and with a satisfied smirk, Beth cut the line.

“What? Wait! You listen to me, woman! I am friends with some powerful people, the Mayor for one, and will not be dismissed in such a- are you listening to me?! Hello?!”

Agnes Wooster leaned back in her seat and slammed the limo door.

“How dare she?” she fumed, “How dare that, that Eva Braun wannabe blow me off!”

“The lady was very rude, Señora,” Rodrigo noted, unsure if he should pull away from the gate or ram it. When Agnes was in such a mood either action could be equally likely.

“She has no idea of who she’s dealing with. I run in some very exclusive circles. I know senators! Judges! Presidents!”

Rodrigo coughed, “Perhaps taking the problem to them is not the way to go, Señora.”

Agnes gave her driver the fish eye, “What do you mean?”

“Well, the lady is a supervillain, yes? So how do you stop a supervillain but by calling a superhero,” Rodrigo took a chance and put the car in reverse before unnecessarily adding, “And you know a superhero, Señora.”

It would take a moment but Agnes eventually understood the man’s argument. And when she did she smiled.

“An excellent suggestion, Rodrigo. It’s past time Michael use those powers for something that actually helps the family. I’ll call him tonight. To the Club, please.”

Agnes Wooster settled back and began rehearsing her monologue that would get her recalcitrant son to for once do the right thing by way of the Woosters.

Next: Alcheman’s night on the town with Trickshot, featuring two obligatory fight scenes and three requisite guest stars. Out soon.















cache-rtc-ad01.proxy.aol.com (152.163.100.195) U.S. Company
Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows XP (1 points)
[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Email ] [ Print ] [ RSS ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v2.4 © 2003-2005 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2004-2005 by Mangacool Adventure